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I’m Back…hopefully for good (or at least a very long time)

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Right where do I begin?

I’ve started this several times now and haven’t got to the end.

I’ve said to myself that I want to get back to blogging, but that’s writing and honestly my head and my heart haven’t really been wanting to.

It’s been over a year since I last posted.

And as I’ve said, I’ve started writing a new post several times and been prompting myself to write for a while now. It’s not that I haven’t been bothered or that I don’t love writing anymore – I do. I just haven’t wanted to. It comes and goes I guess. Most of the time I would have powered on through this lack of enthusiasm (it isn’t quite that but it’s probably the closest word to it), but it’s been hard. Really hard.

As a family in August 2016, we received some devastating news. A year on and the reality has hit me. I recently lost my Mum to cancer (she was only 62). So throughout her battle I haven’t really wanted to put pen to paper, but I think that I’m starting to now. I’ve started writing letters to her, I hoping it’s going to help me get some thoughts out. From this I think I’m ready again to start doing what I love – writing.

Writing letters to my Mum and blogging again will hopefully led to me being in the right frame of mind to write. I’ve been forming an idea for a new book in my head, which is slowly developing. In fact I even scribbled down some notes about it today.

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So bear with me if my return to my blog is a bit sporadic, I’m hoping that I can promise it will get better. No. I promise it will get better. I can’t say what my blogs will all be about, I’m predicting a large part will be about writing, but other things may crop up.

A blog develops naturally over time. But I guess being away from one so long it will develop unnaturally – and quickly. So it may not be the same blog as it was before. But I’m sure it won’t change too much, but it may read differently. (It may not!) But it is still the same person writing as before, just a different version of me who is still very much emotionally numb, in shock and scarred all at the same time. I can promise one thing though, my blog won’t turn into a memorial nor will it be page after page, blog after blog about me talking about my crap 2017.

Goodbye, for now.

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Summer’s Almost Over

setting sun

Well, here in Britain summer never really began. Sure we’ve had some lovely weather days, blue skies, warm weather, but they have been few and far between. Not to say that we’ve had a bad summer vis-a-vis weather. On the whole it’s been pretty dry, fairly warm, but mostly a bit murky and miserable at times. But that’s British weather for you.

Oh and the weather so know’s when its the middle of the week and the weekend, saving all the glorious weather for Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and being pretty disappointing at the weekends.

But I’m not talking ‘summer’s over’ regarding the weather, it has been my first year in my new job where I work term-time. Normally, ever since university I have worked all year round envying those who had the summer off. When my turn came I have found it to be challenging at times. I was a little reticent at first, worried that I wouldn’t find things to do. In actuality I’ve struggled to find the oomph required to do all the things I could have been doing.

That’s the thing about being in a routine. I got used to being in a ‘going to work’ routine, that I was able to maximise my time out of work to fit in all the housework, and of course my writing.

With no routine like this, I had to find a new routine. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t really find it. Sure I’ve had a lovely time off. I’ve relaxed in the sun – when it’s been around. I’ve met up with family. I’ve done some gardening too.

But that about sums it up – ‘some’. I’ve done bits and pieces of lots of things. Sounds great – but it means that I’ve super neglected my writing. Sure I’ve done some but I hoped and planned that I’d be further along then I am.

I think probably the main reason – aside from pure unadulterated laziness – is procrastination. The kryptonite to all writers. Knowing that I had five weeks off – I thought I had plenty of time.

So I’m looking forward to getting back to my normal routine – that way – even though I have less ‘free’ time to write – I may actually get more writing done.

On the plus side, I have finalised my new publication and it’s now up for download; and after a quick check I have written over 11,500 words. So not bad, but fa from great.

Arrrgggghhh procrastination is a bitch.

Summers-Over

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It’s so strange

It’s really quite a strange feeling when something you’ve been working on for sooo long is finally published. It’s all done and dusted with. It feels strange not to be tinkering with it further. Doing further research, reading it through again and again, re-writing, editing, or even just sitting back and thinking about it.

My recently published A Show Called Empire was such a long process and such fun that it’s almost an anti-climax when it was all done. It was such a large part of my writing life that it is so odd that I’m no longer working on it.

I am working on something else – which is lovely – but it was hard to let go.

I may find that time will lessen this feeling of loss [even though it’s a good sense of loss], especially as I get my teeth more and more into my new project.

I’m trying to remember if I felt this way over my first book, a historical fiction story called A Straight Path, but for the life of me I can’t remember. Oh well. As I said maybe time will lessen the loss, or maybe it’ll drive me to keep adding to it – or publishing a second edition or even volume to it. Right now that sounds like a great idea.

But for now I have to wave goodbye to it, send it on its way through the publishing world, so I can allow myself to get my teeth into my new project, a second historical fiction novel.

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